SOTD: Once an addict (interlude)
The ninth track on Cole's latest release KOD is easily one of my favorites. I love when artists are vulnerable and speak their own truths through narrative and poetry. This song is specifically about his relationship with his mother as a child, and her battling with alcoholism.
It's a short, 3-minute song but the lyricism is extremely vivid. The development of Cole's feelings concerning his mother's relationship with alcohol is the focus, though his own use of alcohol and other substances is alluded to with his personal circle. Ultimately, he ends up reminiscing and wishing he had interfered between his mother and her drinking more.
Lost in a cloud of marijuana
Young Carolina nigga, fish out of water
Step-daddy just had a daughter with another woman
Mama ain't recover yet
Callin' me at 12 at night
She drunk as fuck and I'm upset
'Cause why she always using me for crutch?
Growin' up I used to always see her up
Late as shit, cigarette smoke and greatest hits from Marvin Gaye
She kill a whole bottle of some cheap chardonnay
I gotta leave this house 'cause part of me dies when I see her like this
Too young to deal with pain
I'd rather run the streets than see her kill herself
So 'Ville became my escape from a feelin' I hate
Mama cursing me out
Depression's such a villainous state
I used to stay out later on purpose
Subconsciously I was nervous that if I came home early then what would surface was her inner demons
And then I'd have to end up seein' my hero on ground zero
Tears flow while Al Green blow
Love and happiness
I wish that I could say the right words to cheer her up
I wish her son's love was enough
I tell her, "Mama, go to sleep"
She tell me "Boy, hush. You better pray to God you never get your heart crushed"
I shake my head in frustration
Head to my room and I can still hear the tunes with my door shut
Fuck it though, a couple more months I'll be gone
Off to college and dorms
Foolin' myself, thinkin' problems are gone
But now it's 1 AM and my mama dialin' my phone
I know she intoxicated and soon this high that I'm on comes crashin' down
She lit, talkin' drunk shit, I'm pissed
But I'm still all ears like Basset Hounds
Thinkin' to myself, "Maybe my mama need help
Don't she got work in the morning?
Why she do this to herself?
Hate how she slurrin' her words
Soundin' so fuckin' absurd
This ain't the woman I know, why I just sit and observe?
Why don't I say how I feel?
When I do, she's defensive for real
Well maybe things get better with time, I heard it heals
Little did I know how deep her sadness would go
Lookin' back, I wish I woulda did more instead of runnin'
This song reminds me of Logic's storytelling. It's also nice to hear Cole sing the outro of this track as the song fades. I find it's even more vulnerable with that sonic element.